Deciding how to heal sexual trauma can feel scary and vulnerable. There is an inherent knowing that it may be a complex and challenging process. Yet there are clear steps you can take to support your recovery, whether you are seeking help on your own or in conjunction with a professional. It’s important to note that just as each person’s traumatic experience is different from one another, so can be each persons journey in healing.

Let’s clarify, what exactly is sexual trauma?

Sexual trauma is any inappropriate sexual encounter that involves force, coercion or any form of nonconsensual conduct. Sexual trauma can happen to anyone at any time or place. It does not have to involve physical force or violence, meaning sexual trauma can still occur even if you wouldn’t categorize it as rape, sexual assault, sexual violence or a sexual attack. It can happen in a single event or in smaller micro events that happen over and over again. Trauma is also subjective–meaning what one person considers traumatic may not be for another.

The aftermath of sexual trauma

Sexual trauma can impact people in different ways. The effects can vary based on the age at which you experienced sexual trauma, your level of social support, your mental health history and several other factors. Essentially it causes severe Mind, Body & Spirit disruptions and if left untreated can evolve into major physical, psychological and relational issues. So if you are wanting to learn how to heal from childhood sexual trauma the symptoms may very well look different than someone who experienced it in adulthood. This may be resulting in Complex PTSD which you can read more about here. Many people wait to seek treatment because they feel ashamed of what happened. They either blame themselves and/or are afraid others will blame or judge them. 

Here are some common examples of how sexual trauma maybe impacting your day to day life::

• PTSD symptoms

• Impact normal sleeping patterns

• Difficulty regulating emotions

• Dissociation

• Hypervigilance 

• Depression

• Perceive their body/genitalia as dirty

• Feel broken sexually and struggle with sexual intimacy 

• Difficulty asserting and maintaining boundaries

• Have difficulties feeling safe 

• Live with an internalized sense of shame

• Gastrointestinal issues

• Develop eating disorders

• Low self esteem

• Substance abuse

• Obsessive compulsive disorder

• Difficulty maintaining romantic relationships

• Cardiovascular disease

Below are 6 steps you can take to help you move through sexual trauma and into wholeness:

Healing always involves turning towards the trauma, but that does not mean you have to dive straight in and relive it. In fact that can be retraumatizing. Healing can be gentle and graceful, it can be subtle yet deeply profound and a journey that is transformative in the most sacred and empowering ways. Here are 6 steps on how to heal sexual trauma:

1. Acknowledge what happened 

It can be difficult to admit to yourself and to others that you have experienced sexual trauma, and the thought alone of how to deal with sexual trauma can feel very overwhelming. Whether the narrative is that it was your fault, you could have stopped it, or you should have known better; the truth is that sexual trauma is NEVER your fault. It takes courage to acknowledge it, and here are some ways you can do so:

• Talk about it - with a safe, loving and empathic person.

• Educate yourself about it and its effects. 

• Ask for help

• Show yourself compassion

• Build a support system

2. Let go of guilt and shame

It is very common to feel guilt and shame after sexual trauma. Many people end up feeling or believing that in some way they contributed or were responsible for the trauma.

Some examples of this are:

• Not doing enough to stop it from happening

• Had too much to drink

• Flirted or wore revealing clothing

• Led the person on in some way

• Knew you should have left sooner

• They were a superior and you made a career or financial gain

• It was a friend, family member or spouse 

Sex should always be a consensual activity. Consent is an ongoing process of communication and respect. When this doesn’t occur and you find yourself in a situation that you don’t want to be in and you don’t have the agency to end it - it does not equal that it is your fault.

3. Understand your trauma responses

Asking yourself how to overcome sexual trauma is a great question, and one of the first places to start is to understand your trauma responses. Each person responds to trauma differently. The severity and type of traumatic symptoms is not only determined by the traumatic event, but is also highly influenced by epigenetics, age, gender, culture, and prior traumatic experiences. Trauma responses are generally a combination of different fight, flight and freeze symptoms. Part of the healing journey is to become aware of your triggers and witness your responses in the moment so that you can learn how to manage them. 

Some triggers might include:

• Specific smells, colognes or perfumes

• Seeing someone that looks like the perpetrator

• The time of day the event occurred

• Sexual or intimate physical touch

• Music or certain sounds

• Being in a similar setting to the trauma

Below are specific responses to trauma:

• Physical: bracing, elevated heart rate, drastic change in breathing patterns, shaking, sweating, tight knot in the stomach, loss of appetite, nausea

• Emotional: anxiety, fear, anger, sadness, guilt, shame, feeling numb, feeling unsafe. 

• Behavior: avoidance of people or places that are reminiscent of the event, easily irritable, startling easily, engaging in self destructive behavior. 

• Cognitive: flashbacks, difficulty concentrating, intrusive thoughts, negative self talk, hypervigilance, dissociation, derealization. 

• Social: withdrawal, feeling disconnected from others and from yourself, a loss of interest in activities. 

4. Reconnect with yourself

After sexual trauma your nervous system can be hypersensitive. You may feel hypervigilant, have difficulty falling asleep, be anxious and have panic attacks and/or feel a sense of numbness and disconnection from yourself and everyday life. The bottom line is after sexual trauma you may feel ‘different’ and like you have somehow changed and don’t know how to find your way back to yourself.

It is important to take time to feel your feelings and to reconnect with yourself and with your body. This process may feel overwhelming so be gentle and allow yourself to do this a little bit at a time. Regular self care and healthy expressive activities can soothe your nervous system and help you to feel more emotionally regulated and stable. 

Here are some things you can try:

• Mindful movement - such as yoga or slow conscious stretching can be very therapeutic. It can help the mind and body to reconnect, balance the nervous system, process anxiety and depression, and promote healing. 

• Spend time in nature - nature has a very powerful effect on our nervous system. It directly affects our parasympathetic nervous system which is responsible for rest, and relaxation. Being in nature can soothe your nerves, slow the mind and help you to feel more grounded and peaceful. 

• Creative activities - any type of art or creative activity where you are using your hands (not on a phone or tablet) is not only calming but supports the processing of trauma in a gentle and nonverbal way. 

• Gentle Breathwork - note the word ‘gentle’ breathwork can help with reducing stress and anxiety, increase body awareness, release tension in the body and support emotional release. Some forms of breathwork can be too activating for the nervous system and can trigger trauma. Please ask questions and do research before taking a class or working with a breathworker. 

• Journaling - journaling is a great way to process emotions, identifying triggers, examining your thoughts and beliefs as well as tracking your progress. 

5. Connect with healthy supportive people

Whether this is friends or family members, connecting with healthy supportive loved ones is important when recovering from trauma. In safe and loving relationships co-regulation occurs. The effects of co-regulation reduces stress, lowers cortisol levels and improves emotional stability. But more importantly, co-regulation fosters feelings of safety and belonging, which are necessary in healing from trauma. 

6. Work with a Qualified Professional

Sexual trauma is a sacred violation making healing an essential part of recovery, which is why I encourage all survivors of sexual trauma to seek professional support. In this step it is important to find someone who you can build a strong and trusting therapeutic relationship with.

While traditional talk therapy can provide valuable support, it often addresses only part of the healing journey. It may also inadvertently retraumatize individuals by causing them to relive their experiences as they talk and process them, making the trauma symptoms more intense. This occurs because talk therapy lacks body based interventions needed to move beyond the fight, flight and freeze stuck in the body. However, with this said it might be a great place to start when working with a professional.

If you have tried talk therapy and haven’t been able to find the right person, or it helped but only to a certain point, I highly recommend working with a somatic experiencing practitioner. To fully recover from sexual trauma, it is crucial to engage the nervous system and release the stored shock trauma. Somatic experiencing practitioners help individuals to deactivate and complete the fight, flight, and freeze responses. They also help individuals to release intense emotions that are stored in the body as well as repair and strengthen boundaries. When this occurs you will fully feel like yourself again, live symptom free and finally be able to reclaim your sexuality. 

Embracing the Journey to Healing

Healing from sexual trauma is a deeply personal and transformative journey that requires courage, patience, and compassion. This guide discussed 6 helpful steps or focal points in how to get over sexual trauma, however I think it is necessary to mention that it is very normal to feel defeated, to become frustrated and angry, or even feel hopeless at times. This is part of the process. The most helpful thing you can do when this arises is to embrace these feelings. As you do so, you open yourself up to the potential for deep transformational healing.

Through my own journey of healing and transforming my trauma and through helping my clients I have come to see how unique each persons trauma patterns can be as well as each persons journey through the threshold of trauma healing. If you are interested in somatic experiencing check out this page to learn more or you can always contact me directly.

More Resources for sexual trauma healing

• RAINN

• National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4673

• NSVRC

• Joyful Heart Foundation

These resources aren’t a replacement for therapy, but they can still be an incredibly helpful part of your path to recovery.

Brianna Anderson, SEP

I’m here to help you heal so you can begin to live the life of your dreams

My private practice specializes in helping people who have endured trauma, resolve the symptoms out of their body, mind & spirit so they can feel comfortable in their skin, find inner peace and live the desires of their heart.

I am based out of South Orange County, Ca and offer online therapy sessions. Whether you are just starting your healing journey or ready to try something new, I am here to help.

Do you have body trauma?

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